Why Cant we forget our first love?

I cant forget my first love because we played together from 10 - 12 then started being boyfriend and girlfriend from then on. From the beginning right the way till we split up when we were 24 he treated me like a princess protected me from the world and he done things for me that I dont think any one else would. We have 4 beautiful children together and he will move the world for them even though he no longer lives near us. He is still there for me when ever I need him no matter were he is in the world, if he cant get to us then his friends will. And he has people looking out for us all the time. I am with someone else now who I started seeing when I was 26 we have 2 beautiful girls. But I will never love him the way I did my first guy. I always felt secure before like no one could ever hurt me, but I don't feel that anymore I feel down and unhappy all of the time. I think about my first guy all the time we went through good times and tons of bad stuff together lost our virginity to each other. I know in a million years i'll never meet anyone like him again. --Anonymous

I am sure there will be long list of people who will express the same sentiments and might even go over board saying what else cant the forget etc. Have you ever wondered why you cant? Have heard people telling me about remembering their first love in absolute clarity as to what perfume smell it used to be, or the mis match of ear-rings or the socks etc. Not sure, I cant remember sin/cos = tan. This you have been reading it so many times, and you cant remember this but you remember the smell. Man your memory access method is screwed up or your indexing of data is wrong better have a relook at it.

Folks, those of you who gloat on this past memory a warning to you. New research says we should forget our first love affairs - because later ones will never live up to their ecstatic passion. This recent finding says, according to scientists, we will do better if we forget our first loves – because they give us impossible expectations of relationships in a later life and lead to disappointment.

I am no psychologist or a saint, but my attempt on reasoning this. My strong belief is that the “Expectations are your source of Disappointment” and definitely the first love sets up some level of unrealistic benchmark by which you try to measure your current relationship. I am pretty sure this is bound to end in disaster (think about the same benchmark measurement could be happening on the other side too). Now let us get into this benchmark. Why this benchmark, because I feel, or have seen/observed with people who are in love. There are little tiny/tiddly lies which we start the love with. Where are those lies coming from or why is it coming from have you ever wondered? My analogy is, most of the time men or women to win the other side they start hiding little of their self and try to be in line with the other party. Like the girls when she says “I love Chinese food”, the boy says “really, ohhh my God that’s my ultimate favourite food” – in reality every time he has Chinese food with her, he goes to the rest room before settling the bill to puke what ever he had. It happens on the other side, the boy says I love Bach - the girl says me too, thinking its perfume. Now when you are in difficult situation to tell them the truth that Brahms not a measurement like Grams – Brahms is a name and Bach is too. I have never believed when my friends used to come and tell me that they have stopped drinking or eating meat because their girl(s) wanted them to stop. At the max I have given these guys a time of three months after which they come and fall in line with me to do what I do immaterial of how many girls I flirt with.

Unfortunately, girls always looks for a perfect man (Hey don’t mistake me, I am male and its my view, so I can best write from this side of the line) and boys too think they want the perfect woman. But till date – believe me – I have never seen a boy explaining the perfect woman to me. Because once a week the attributes keep changing. Atleast the girls are better that way, atleast they have some hazy target as perfect man. When you start questioning them and trying to figure it out, they tell you with foggy eyes and a stupid smile on their face that the feeling is unexpressionable. I have never seen this word in any dictionary but I think it’s the most used by these guys and invented by these guys.

I think I am transgressing to another topic, before I go there completely let me revert. My opinion is that this look for perfect man or girl is what makes you tell those tiny/tiddly lies just to show how matching you are to her/his frequency and his/her tastes. I think these tiny things start re-aligning your expectations and sets up a very big one as such.

Cant advise the young lovers, because they will never listen to and you cant reason with them, because of the misty eyes and smoggy thoughts, which actually interrupts the communication with the brain. They wont believe a word you say. But my advise, if its asked, will be tell the truth, be honest, be transparent, or have the courage to tell the truth to the girl/boy when you start your relationship. If she asks whom you like the most in actor – you tell her I love Justin Bieber even if she hates him to the core or the whole world thinks Justin Bieber is a bum. If you don’t like Chinese food, tell her so. She might love Chinese – but so be it. When you tell them you drink once a week – most of the Indian girls will faint or will be calling for a taxi to run away from you. But don’t worry. You may not be successful in first few “100” attempts or so but there will always be a girl who likes honesty and will fall for you. And even if you don’t succeed, it is for good, you have no wrong expectations set atleast right.

If you keep building wrong expectations and end up marrying the girl you loved, the love may be a success but the Marriage? i don't know.

I think people will be successful if they take a more pragmatic view of what they need from relationship rather than striving to recreate the intense passion they once shared with some one in the past.

Brynin, of the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex says that ‘In an ideal world you would wake up already in your second relationship. If you had a passionate first relationship and allow that feeling to become your benchmark, it becomes inevitable that future, more adult partnerships will seem boring and a disappointment.

So I think, the main reason for us not able to forget our first love could be, first of all deep inside we don't want to, because we think that the expectations that were set against that scenario is what we really need and we keep comparing against those standards. Every time we meet a new girl, we bring up that memory and try to do a comparison due to which this memory stays with us permanently. Try not doing this, i think you might simply have forgotten your first love and your current relationship will be a great success.